<stream-of-thought> OK I’ll just say it.

I don’t know what “the church” is supposed to look like anymore. This stream of consciousness will help me because I’m still trying to figure out what “church” will look like for us this Sunday (as we move back into my living room) and for that matter for the year ahead. I struggle to understand what the church is doing / trying to accomplish, or if it exists just to run the big machine. Other’s have echoed these same sentiments much more eloquently than myself: Matt @ Incarnational Orthopraxy and Sarah @ accidentalweblog. Numerous factors contribute to my growing uncertainty about “the church” that has evolved over the years:

1. I left “the church” in 2000 for a mission organization which was comparable to living in a monastery (a tremendous, formative experience). I was burnt-out and disillusioned by the Korean church that had succeeded in attracting no one else but other Korean Christians and had effectively no influence for good outside of that community. Not to slam a great town, but it was kind of like Lynden.
2. I have a mixed disillusionment / respect with place. I’m not sure yet how to pin it. We’ve met in several places this past year; a living room, on campus, a gallery, a social hall, and a church sanctuary. Some of these places drew people together. Some repelled them apart. I see the importance of place and am not ready to toss it out the window just yet but have a hard time figuring out how place serves the mission and not the other way around. My living room was probably the strongest community builder of all the places we’ve met. But cmon. This is NOT the final destination. Even “house church planting movements” eventually hunker down and buy property. Take for example, Xenos in Columbus, Ohio. Try as I may I am not sold on the house church idea in N. America. As much as I acknowledge the good in it – it just has no permanence and every house church eventually becomes a regular “institutional” church anyway – or just dies out and disappears. And the purpose of the church is not to die out and disappear in a few brief years.
3. Selling my soul to the devil. Honestly, I might be too naive and too honest about this one, but I’m gonna post it in the hopes that it will lead to me ministering better. Pastoring contains a side to it that is salesman-like, promotion and marketing, sales-driven, growth conscious and the “downward mobility” is hard to grasp. I can’t help but to have the nagging feeling sometimes that I’m selling out.
4. (OK I know I’m gonna get in trouble for this one) Becoming an accredited pastor can be like becoming Darth Vader. Before I had very strong feelings about empowering the laity, when I was one. Now that I am inching closer and closer to my mDiv, I find an exclusivity creeping up in my heart. Oh how far I have fallen!
5. I’m an artist for cryin out loud. What did you expect? Someone that would just “go with the flow”? Goodness sakes, I’m a religious fascist, a snobbish connoseur of “the church”.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT

I still believe in the church. Even progressive ecclesiological thinkers will admit that “the church” is the primary agent of the missioDei and of the Kingdom of God. If it is the primary agent hang on a bit before we toss out 2000 years of (flawed) church history. How can we do it right is the question, without throwing out the baby with the bath water. Property ownership is a blessing. Membership is a blessing. Giving is a blessing. Place is a blessing. Structure / organization is a blessing. Leadership is a blessing. Investment is a blessing. Contributing is a blessing. Building something with posterity is a blessing. Sometimes I think organic pundits want to discard all of these and in the end be left w/ just “community”. I really can’t agree with that. There must be something more. My problem is, I’m not sure what it is. So to end this post and to help my thinking along I’ll post 5 positive and proactive things that I want missioDei to be about:

1. Communal(ity) Exegesis. C’mon. Darth Wayne shouldn’t be the only one handling Scripture here, am I right? Let’s unlock it for everyone in a structured setting so everyone can become apprentices of the Word.
2. Revelation, not just information. The question is, is God meeting people? Does our structure retard this process?
3. Community Living. I had such a positive experience with this back in the monastery-days. Of course this won’t work for all, and definitely not for my family. But there’s something good about living in a monastery if you’re single, ripe for discipleship…
4. Small group IS the large group. Connections, discipleship, relating needs to happen in a church environ. But again, how do we facilitate this?
5. Replacing one living room with another. We are NOT going to stay in my living room forever. But when we do I want our church building to be a third place venue that is out AMONG the people, profoundly involved in mission and not a village unto its own. That’s why I love QCafe. It’s out among the populace. It’s why I have so much respect for what Tim Keller / Redeemer is doing in NYC: “Seeking to renew the city socially, spiritually and culturally” via business, entrepreneurial initiatives, involvement in the arts and culture and dialogue of the great city. Man my juices are flowing. These are stellar examples of “the church”. Flawed I’m sure, but living the missioDei. So I’m dreaming again, of art, of galleries, of downtown Bham, of coffee, of music, of venues. I’m learning to trust my instincts all over again. </stream>